she woke up with a sticky ear
i think i have two assholes
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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