I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
pop tarts are not kleenex
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
