i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
