Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
