I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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