i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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