Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
