I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
