She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
