who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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