I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize