I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
