I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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