so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
