Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
