I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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