i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
