Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
