feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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