I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
