great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
