Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
