Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
