New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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