And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
