I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize