I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
