so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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