Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
