I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
