You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
