i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
