WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
