your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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