dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think people are normalizing furries
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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