your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
