Old men and throwing up are my life now.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
