Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
