also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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