capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize