I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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