gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
