Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
