My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
