they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
