It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
why do cheetos always look like penises
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
