i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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