Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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