Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
