look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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