Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Even my vagina gasped.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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