If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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