He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
