did you get engaged???
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
