ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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