he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
