Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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