So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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