remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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