We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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