Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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