Don't make out with my wife yet
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
