i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
