if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
