I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
