thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
