I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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