Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize