you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
When are your genitals available?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
