my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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