I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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