"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
