Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize