You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
