What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
