I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
