I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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