Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
